achilles's Blog

Am I lightheaded because I'm not dead or because I'm still alive?

I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.

The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.

Jesus may love you, but I think you're garbage wrapped in skin.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.

No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.

It is better to be quotable than to be honest.

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.